Disclaimer: This is not financial advice. It’s entertainment, baby. Consult a licensed financial advisor unless you enjoy reckless decisions.
Intro: Real Estate… Without the Tenants, Toilets, or Tantrums
Ah, real estate—the land of clogged toilets, screaming tenants, and endless “emergency” calls about light bulbs. But what if I told you there’s a magical way to invest in real estate without ever stepping foot in a Home Depot?
Enter stage left: REITs—Real Estate Investment Trusts. These beautiful, dividend-spitting unicorns let you own slices of commercial real estate without being cursed to a lifetime of plumber negotiation. And if you’re tired of YOLOing into meme stocks or praying for Bitcoin to go to Valhalla, it’s time to consider the safe side of REITs. We’re talking “grandma-approved,” pillow-soft, balance-sheet-fortified REITs.
Let’s dive into 25 of the safest REITs to buy and hold… because who has the time for constant rebalancing when there are episodes of Succession to binge?
🏢 1. Realty Income Corp (O)
Known as “The Monthly Dividend Company,” because yes, they literally trademarked that. Think of them as the Beyoncé of REITs—solid, dependable, and loved by everyone. 650+ tenants, 50 states, no nonsense.
🏥 2. Welltower Inc. (WELL)
Senior housing + healthcare properties = aging population tailwind. Bonus points if you think Boomers will continue to dominate civilization until 2099.
🛒 3. Federal Realty Investment Trust (FRT)
They’ve paid and raised dividends since 1967. FRT is so stable, it might be anchoring the Earth’s rotation.
🏨 4. Public Storage (PSA)
Storage units: the physical manifestation of American hoarding habits. Recession-resistant. Divorce-resistant. Emotionally-repressed-millennial-resistant.
🏬 5. Prologis (PLD)
Amazon warehouses, e-commerce logistics centers. If you’re betting people won’t suddenly stop online shopping in 2025… you want PLD.
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🏠 6. AvalonBay Communities (AVB)
Fancy apartments for bougie city dwellers who can’t afford to buy a house because… well, avocado toast and mortgage rates.
🏢 7. Alexandria Real Estate Equities (ARE)
They lease to biotech and life sciences firms. If you’re bullish on scientists playing God, this one’s for you.
📦 8. Extra Space Storage (EXR)
Second-largest self-storage company. Basically PSA’s sibling, but a little more extroverted and aggressive.
🛏️ 9. Ventas Inc. (VTR)
Healthcare REIT with a mix of senior housing, life sciences, and medical offices. Sort of like a diversified basket of human maintenance buildings.
🏢 10. Digital Realty Trust (DLR)
Data centers. They own the physical side of the cloud—yes, the cloud is actually a warehouse with blinking lights. This REIT is what powers your endless doomscrolling.
🛒 11. Kimco Realty (KIM)
They focus on grocery-anchored shopping centers, which means they profit from your midnight Cheez-It runs.
💊 12. Medical Properties Trust (MPW)
Despite recent drama, they’ve weathered some storms. Keep an eye on them like you’d watch a reality TV contestant: shaky, but entertaining and possibly redeemable.
🏥 13. Healthcare Realty Trust (HR)
Medical office buildings. Doctors gotta doctor. HR’s properties are filled with folks poking, prodding, and prescribing.
🏦 14. WP Carey (WPC)
Diversified into industrial, warehouse, retail, and office. A good pick for indecisive investors who want everything in one REIT-y sandwich.
🏗️ 15. Duke Realty (Now part of Prologis)
Before its merger, Duke Realty was one of the top industrial REITs. If you liked it, you’ll love Prologis now that it swallowed Duke like a capitalist Pac-Man.
🛏️ 16. Mid-America Apartment Communities (MAA)
Apartments across the Sun Belt. Think Texas, Florida, and other places where people are running away from high taxes and high rent.
🏢 17. UDR Inc. (UDR)
High-quality apartment REIT with exposure to millennial renters and urban professionals who believe homeownership is a myth invented by the Illuminati.
🧪 18. Iron Mountain (IRM)
Where your grandma’s dental records and random company archives live forever. It’s a niche REIT with shockingly consistent revenue.
🏨 19. Host Hotels & Resorts (HST)
Luxury hotels REIT. Marriott, Ritz-Carlton, etc. A bet on travel and conferences being “a thing” again.
🏘️ 20. Camden Property Trust (CPT)
Multifamily properties in hot housing markets. If you believe young professionals will keep paying for rooftop pools and tiny gyms, CPT’s your guy.
🏬 21. National Retail Properties (NNN)
Single-tenant retail with long-term leases. Think gas stations, convenience stores, and more… they’re not flashy, but boy are they consistent.
🏫 22. American Campus Communities (ACC)
If you believe college kids will never stop partying… I mean, studying… this student housing REIT is a solid pick.
📡 23. American Tower Corp (AMT)
Cell towers = the backbone of your TikTok addiction. As long as humans can’t go 5 minutes without checking their phones, AMT is golden.
📶 24. Crown Castle (CCI)
Another telecom REIT. More towers, more connectivity, more passive income. It’s like AMT’s less glamorous, slightly more introverted cousin.
🛢️ 25. VICI Properties (VICI)
Owns casinos, resorts, and entertainment properties. When people say “diversify,” they don’t usually mean blackjack tables—but here we are. It’s surprisingly stable.
Final Thoughts: REITs, the Couch Potato’s Real Estate Empire
There you have it—25 REITs that let you sleep easy at night, knowing your money is busy working in malls, hospitals, towers, and storage units full of Beanie Babies and broken dreams. They offer passive income, decent yields, and none of the landlord headaches.
So instead of chasing the next meme stonk or debating whether Bitcoin is going to zero or to Mars, maybe chill, collect some dividends, and let these REITs do the heavy lifting.
Just remember: this is not financial advice. I don’t have a Series 7 license—just a keyboard and a crippling addiction to investing spreadsheets.
Now go forth and diversify, you glorious REIT overlord.
If you enjoyed this article, share it, mock your crypto bro friend with it, or just save it for when you need help falling asleep. Either way, your portfolio (and possibly your blood pressure) will thank you.
