• Top 5 Candy Brands in the US

    Top 5 Candy Brands in the US

    Let’s face it—if you live in the U.S. and say you don’t like candy, you’re either lying… or part of some underground anti-sugar resistance movement.
    From movie theater binges to Halloween chaos, candy has always been the legal drug of choice for Americans. It’s colorful, addictive, and available at every gas station from Los Angeles to Tallahassee. But which brands reign supreme in the sacred shrine that is your dentist’s worst nightmare?

    Let’s rip open the wrapper on the Top 5 Candy Brands in the U.S. and prepare for a sugar-fueled ride that’ll leave you crashing into your childhood memories… and maybe into a bag of Reese’s.


    1. Reese’s – The King of Chocolate and Peanut Butter Royalty

    When Reese’s entered the candy arena, every other snack bowed in sweet submission. Peanut butter and chocolate? That’s not just a combination, that’s an American love story that puts Romeo and Juliet to shame (plus, they actually survive in this version).

    Whether it’s the original cups, miniatures, pumpkins, eggs, or those oddly satisfying Reese’s Trees, this brand consistently dominates store shelves and Halloween hauls. And let’s be honest—you’ve definitely eaten an entire pack in your car before getting home.

    Fun Fact: Reese’s is the best-selling candy brand in the U.S. It’s basically the Beyoncé of confections.

    Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission—at no additional cost to you.


    2. Snickers – Because You’re Not You When You’re Hungry

    Snickers didn’t just invent a candy bar. They invented a whole attitude. That nougat-caramel-peanut-chocolate beast is less a snack and more a full-blown personality shift. One bite and you go from “hangry cryptid” to “functioning member of society.”

    Their marketing campaign is iconic, their texture is perfect, and let’s not forget: Snickers ice cream bars exist—which is just unfair to every other dessert.

    If Reese’s is the king, Snickers is the battle-hardened knight that gets you through a Monday without punching Greg in accounting.


    3. M&M’s – Melts in Your Mouth, Not in Your Therapy Bills

    These colorful button-shaped miracles are the Swiss Army knife of candy. You can eat them, bake them, throw them in popcorn, or use them to bribe small children (or large adults, we don’t judge). And with more flavors than your local vape shop—Peanut, Pretzel, Caramel, Mint, Crunchy Cookie—M&M’s are basically the Pokémon of candy.

    Also, let’s not overlook the sassy M&M mascots, which are probably more well-developed than half the characters in modern cinema.


    4. Skittles – Taste the Rainbow (and Maybe a Sugar Coma)

    Skittles are a chaotic burst of fruit flavor that slap your taste buds like a caffeinated raccoon. They’re not subtle. They’re not refined. They are the candy equivalent of that friend who shows up in a neon crop top with glitter boots and says, “We’re getting tattoos tonight!”

    Available in original, sour, tropical, wild berry, and “whatever the marketing team cooked up this week,” Skittles are for those who like their candy to shout rather than whisper.

    Pro tip: Eat them one flavor at a time like a civilized person or dump the whole bag in your mouth and feel the rainbow become a rave.


    5. Twizzlers – The Red Vines We Actually Asked For

    Let’s be honest—Twizzlers are the only licorice-adjacent candy that doesn’t taste like punishment. With their signature strawberry twist and peel-apart action, they’re one of the few candies that double as both a snack and a time-wasting toy during boring meetings.

    They’re perfect for sharing, unless you value your friendships, in which case… just say you’re “out.”

    Sure, chocolate gets all the attention, but Twizzlers are the underrated, chewy hero we all need when we’re sick of melting M&Ms in the summer heat.


    Honorable Mentions (aka The Candy Cabinet’s B-Squad)

    • Kit Kat – Great for sharing, better for selfishly biting into without breaking.
    • Butterfinger – Delicious, but leaves enough crumbs to build another one.
    • Sour Patch Kids – First sour, then sweet, then gone because you devoured the bag.
    • Hershey’s – The OG chocolate bar that’s a camping trip essential.
    • Starburst – When you want jaw pain and fruity joy in one chew.

    The Sweet Conclusion

    So there you have it—America’s top five candy giants. Whether you’re a peanut butter junkie, a fruity fanatic, or just someone who uses Halloween as an excuse to hoard sugar like a squirrel prepping for doomsday, there’s something on this list for you.

    Candy isn’t just a treat; it’s a cultural phenomenon. It’s how we bribe toddlers, bond during movies, and sneak a little happiness into our over-caffeinated, overworked lives.

    Now go forth, grab a bag of something sinfully sweet, and remember that the best part of being an adult is not having to ask permission to eat candy for breakfast (just don’t tell your dentist where you got the idea).

    Disclaimer: This post contains no nutritional value—emotionally or otherwise. Eat responsibly. Or don’t. Life is short.

  • Why You Must Watch Every Episode of Star Trek (All Series)

    Why You Must Watch Every Episode of Star Trek (All Series)

    — Except Discovery, Because We Like Ourselves Too Much

    Engage, Nerds

    Let’s get this out of the way: if you’ve never watched Star Trek, you are missing out on one of the most intellectual, optimistic, weirdly horned-up franchises in the galaxy. And no, I’m not just talking about Kirk’s shirt-ripping, alien-smooching antics. I’m talking about the bold exploration of ethics, space politics, time travel paradoxes, and the occasional space whale. This isn’t just TV—this is the future.

    And if you’re already a fan? Good. Welcome. You’re among friends. Now buckle up, because I’m about to explain why you must, absolutely must, watch every single Star Trek episode from The Original Series all the way to Strange New Worlds.

    Yes, even Enterprise.
    No, not Discovery. That one got sucked into a black hole of bad writing. Let’s move on.


    The Original Series (TOS): The Space Cowboy Bible

    Ah, the 1960s. A time of social revolution, rock ‘n’ roll, and apparently, a guy named James Tiberius Kirk punching his way across the universe while delivering Shakespearean monologues and seducing green women.

    TOS is where it all began. It’s campy, colorful, and glorious. You don’t just watch TOS—you absorb it into your bloodstream. It taught us that the future could be peaceful, interracial, and powered by rubber-suited lizard fights.

    Must-watch episodes:

    • The City on the Edge of Forever (sci-fi poetry)
    • Balance of Terror (cold war chess match)
    • The Trouble with Tribbles (because… tribbles)

    Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission—at no additional cost to you.


    The Next Generation (TNG): Diplomacy, Data, and Dad Energy

    TNG is like the graduate school of sci-fi. It’s more cerebral, more philosophical, and features Patrick Stewart’s voice as a balm to your chaotic soul. Captain Picard is what every leader should be—intelligent, composed, and only mildly judgmental.

    You’ll get androids discovering humanity, Klingons debating honor, and Q being an omnipotent cosmic troll. What more do you want?

    Must-watch episodes:

    • The Inner Light (you will cry)
    • Darmok (Shaka, when the walls fell…)
    • Best of Both Worlds (Peak Borg intensity)

    Deep Space Nine (DS9): The Shakespearean War Drama You Didn’t Know You Needed

    This is where things get dark. Like “why is everyone yelling and who just assassinated a Romulan senator?” dark. DS9 throws the Trek formula out the airlock and says, “Let’s stay in one place and make people suffer—heroically.”

    It’s Game of Thrones in space, but with more integrity and way fewer incestuous relationships.

    Must-watch episodes:

    • In the Pale Moonlight (morally grey masterpiece)
    • Far Beyond the Stars (racism, sci-fi, and soul)
    • The Visitor (bring tissues, seriously)

    Voyager: The Janeway Protocol

    Captain Janeway is basically your science teacher, therapist, and space mom all rolled into one. Stranded 70,000 light-years from home, the crew of Voyager must navigate alien cultures, limited resources, and Neelix’s cooking.

    Sure, some episodes feel like Mad Libs with warp drives, but the overall journey is solid—and Seven of Nine brought more to the table than just catsuit aesthetics.

    Must-watch episodes:

    • Scorpion (Borg vs. Species 8472 = chaos)
    • Year of Hell (the name says it all)
    • Timeless (time travel with regrets)

    Enterprise: The Maligned Prequel With a Good Beard

    Okay, look. Enterprise starts rough. Real rough. But if you can get past the mid-2000s grunge vibes and that cursed opening theme song (“It’s been a long road…”), you’ll find a series that explores early space exploration with grit.

    Also: Scott Bakula. He quantum leaps his way into a surprisingly decent captain.

    Must-watch episodes:

    • Carbon Creek (Vulcans + the 1950s = perfection)
    • Twilight (memory loss done right)
    • In a Mirror, Darkly (Mirror Universe excellence)

    Strange New Worlds: TOS Energy Meets Modern Mojo

    If you miss classic episodic Trek but crave that modern polish, Strange New Worlds is your jam. Captain Pike is the most underrated silver fox in Starfleet, and Spock? Well, let’s just say he’s finally getting the screen time he deserves (and the awkward Vulcan love story we didn’t know we needed).

    Each episode is a fresh new adventure—aliens, weird diseases, and metaphysical mind games included.

    Must-watch episodes:

    • Memento Mori (space horror done right)
    • Subspace Rhapsody (yes, it’s a musical, and yes, it slaps)
    • Among the Lotus Eaters (Trek meets ancient myth)

    But What About Discovery?

    No. Just no.
    Moving on.


    Why Binge All of Star Trek? Here’s Why:

    1. It’s Time Travel Without a DeLorean

    You want philosophical debates in the 24th century? Done. You want Klingons quoting poetry while bat’lething each other to death? Done. You want a crew dealing with godlike beings, mind-melding Vulcans, and questionable Starfleet morality? Oh, you’ll get that and more.

    2. It’s Weirdly Therapeutic

    Trek gives you hope. In a world of doomscrolling and inflation, Star Trek tells you, “Hey, maybe humans don’t destroy themselves. Maybe we build spaceships instead of nukes. Maybe.”

    3. The Fandom is a Wild Ride

    Star Trek conventions are like Comic-Con and a philosophy seminar had a lovechild. You’ll find people debating warp field dynamics and wearing Spock ears in the same breath. It’s like Burning Man but with tricorders and fewer drugs. (Usually.)

    4. It Aged… Surprisingly Well

    Trek was woke before “woke” was a thing. An Asian helmsman and a Black female communications officer in the 1960s? That’s not just progressive, that’s warp-speed visionary. The show tackled racism, gender equality, and intergalactic diplomacy decades ahead of most shows.


    Final Log: Stardate… Whenever You’re Ready

    Watching every Star Trek episode is not a task—it’s a calling. It’s not just about spaceships and aliens. It’s about ethics, unity, progress, and the weird joy of seeing Captain Sisko punch Q in the face. It’s about dreaming of a world where humanity doesn’t collapse under the weight of its own idiocy (unless you’re watching Discovery).

    So grab your phaser, replicate some Earl Grey (hot), and boldly go where millions of nerds have gone before.

    Trust me, your soul will be better for it.

  • HP Desktops & Laptops Are All We Use

    HP Desktops & Laptops Are All We Use

    HP or Bust, Baby

    We’ve tried other brands. We’ve flirted with Lenovo. Had a brief affair with Dell. Even toyed with the idea of going full Apple once—until we realized we like having ports. But in the end, we came back home. Like a tech-savvy boomerang, we returned to HP, because HP doesn’t just get us—they complete us.

    HP Desktops & Laptops are all we use, not because we’re brand loyalists with a logo tattooed on our thigh (although…), but because they consistently crush the competition where it matters most: power, price, performance, and not blowing up during Zoom calls.


    HP Desktops: Reliable Like Grandma’s Meatloaf

    Let’s talk towers. HP desktops are the unsung heroes of productivity. These machines are like that one dude at work who never calls in sick, never complains, and somehow knows every Excel shortcut in existence.

    Why we stan HP desktops:

    • Durability that rivals Nokia phones: These bad boys can take a beating and keep on booting.
    • Affordable specs: You don’t need to sell a kidney for 32GB RAM.
    • Easy upgrades: Want more RAM or a better GPU? Pop the case, slide it in, boom—instant nerd upgrade.
    • Cooling that actually cools: We’ve seen other PCs wheeze like a pug on a treadmill. HPs stay chill, literally.

    And whether you’re editing 4K videos or rage-quitting your 17th game of Warzone, HP desktops handle it all with the silent smugness of a machine that knows it’s superior.


    HP Laptops: Portable Power Without the Pretentiousness

    HP laptops are the lovechild of function and finesse. Sleek enough to flex at Starbucks, powerful enough to crush spreadsheets in your sweatpants.

    We’re talking about the Envy, the Spectre, and even the unsung HP Pavilion that quietly wins hearts at budget prices.

    Why HP laptops slap harder than your grandma’s chancla:

    • Battery life that actually lives: None of that “2-hour lifespan” nonsense. We’re going the distance.
    • Keyboards that feel like butter: Seriously. If keyboards were Olympic events, HP would medal in comfort typing.
    • Display quality: Bright, vibrant, and doesn’t look like it was filtered through a potato.
    • Ports for days: Unlike certain fruit-branded devices, HP still believes in USB-A, HDMI, and headphone jacks. Hallelujah!

    Whether you’re editing YouTube videos, binging Better Call Saul, or pretending to pay attention during Zoom meetings, HP laptops make it all a joy.

    Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission—at no additional cost to you.


    HP Software & Ecosystem: Not Trash. Seriously.

    You know how some PCs come bloated with weird trial software and apps that scream “I’ve been hacked” just by existing? HP said nah. Their preloaded software is actually helpful.

    You get:

    • HP Support Assistant: For the one time you panic about a BIOS update and want to feel heard.
    • HP QuickDrop: AirDrop’s cool cousin that works with both Android and iOS.
    • HP Command Center: Control your fan speed like you’re a jet engine operator.

    And if you buy direct or register your device, you often get some actual useful extras like 25GB of Dropbox, or a Microsoft 365 trial that won’t auto-subscribe you into digital debt.


    Customer Support That Doesn’t Make You Scream

    HP’s support doesn’t feel like it was built in the 90s. Their online help center is useful, their forums are active, and if you do call in, you don’t have to decipher someone reading a script in a wind tunnel.

    Also: they have diagnostic tools that actually work. No more turning your laptop upside down and chanting “please boot” into the Ethernet port.


    Why HP Crushes the Competition

    Let’s do some lightning-round roast comparisons:

    • Dell? Feels like the oatmeal of computers. It’s fine. Just… fine.
    • Lenovo? Built like tanks, but the design screams “business casual sadness.”
    • Apple? Beautiful. Expensive. Limited ports. Keyboard louder than your ex’s drama.
    • Acer/ASUS? Hit or miss. More inconsistent than your cousin’s crypto portfolio.

    Meanwhile, HP delivers a consistent mix of affordability, performance, and design. It’s like having a five-star chef who also does your taxes.


    Who Should Use HP?

    Everyone. No, seriously:

    • Students love them for the budget-friendliness and dependability.
    • Professionals love them for the no-nonsense performance.
    • Gamers can spec out Omen desktops and slap in RTX cards like it’s Christmas.
    • Creators can dive into photo, video, and music production without throttling into oblivion.

    Final Thoughts: Team HP Till the End

    In a world full of tech hype, RGB overkill, and devices that cost more than your rent, HP stands out as the cool-headed, value-packed champion. No gimmicks, no BS—just real machines for real people doing real stuff (and watching cat videos at work).

    So if you’re still wondering what to get for your next computing companion, just know: we’re Team HP, and we’re not looking back.

    HP Desktops & Laptops are all we use—and if you try one, you just might join the club.


    ⚠️ Not Financial Advice But Totally Tech Advice

    We don’t make money from HP (yet), but we’re open to it. HP, call us. For now, just know we love what works—and HP works.

  • Breathe Right Nasal Strips Heavily Reduced My Snoring

    Breathe Right Nasal Strips Heavily Reduced My Snoring

    I Used to Snore Like a Broken Leaf Blower…

    Let’s get one thing out of the way—I snored like a wildebeest gargling gravel. My snoring wasn’t just bad. It was apocalyptic. Roommates moved out. Relationships ended. My cat relocated to the neighbor’s house for better sleep.

    But then something miraculous happened. Not divine intervention. Not surgery. Just a humble, sticky piece of plastic that slapped across my nose like a Band-Aid of salvation: Breathe Right Nasal Strips.

    Yes, the very product that looks like something a cartoon character would use to fake a broken nose. And somehow, somehow, these little bad boys heavily reduced my snoring and unlocked new dimensions of breathing I didn’t know I was missing.

    Let me take you through the wild (and wonderfully breathable) journey.


    The Night I Finally Shut the Hell Up (While Sleeping)

    Picture it. Midnight. I slapped on one of these Breathe Right strips out of desperation after being banned from the bedroom by someone who shall remain unnamed (they know what they did). The results?

    Silence. Sweet, beautiful silence.

    No chainsaw noises. No nasal freight train. Just the kind of quiet that monks meditate to. I woke up feeling like I hadn’t been in a wrestling match with my sinuses all night. My partner actually made me breakfast the next morning out of pure shock and gratitude.

    Was it a fluke? I tried it again. And again. And it worked every single time. This wasn’t a product. This was a miracle in adhesive form.

    Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission—at no additional cost to you.


    It’s Not Just for Sleep Anymore, Baby

    Here’s the part where things got weird—in the best way.

    After discovering how dramatically these strips opened up my airways at night, I started using them for other activities. Because why stop at bedtime?

    🏀 Basketball

    You ever try playing a full-court game while wheezing like a harmonica with asthma? I have. Until I wore a strip to the court. Suddenly, I was a nasal-sucking Steph Curry. The airflow was cleaner. Crisper. I was draining shots and breathing like I had two golden wind tunnels taped to my face.

    Sure, people laughed. But then I dropped 14 points and they shut up.

    💻 Working on the Computer

    Turns out shallow mouth-breathing while hunched over a laptop isn’t great for focus. Pop a nasal strip on, and suddenly I’m typing like a caffeinated monkey with 200% oxygen efficiency. It’s like turning your nose into a USB-powered turbocharger for your brain.

    🎥 YouTube Live Streaming

    Yeah, I wear one on-stream sometimes. Go ahead and judge me—but while you’re breathing through one nostril and trying to sound coherent, I’m effortlessly projecting my voice like Morgan Freeman narrating a TED Talk. Plus, I don’t sound like I’m dying mid-sentence when reading super chats.


    How Do These Magical Nose Band-Aids Even Work?

    Let’s get mildly technical for a hot second. Breathe Right strips work by gently pulling open your nasal passages using spring-like bands embedded in the strip. Think of it as a little nose-lifting bra for your nostrils. Cute and functional.

    They don’t contain medication. They’re not some gimmicky eucalyptus-infused nonsense. They just… mechanically make your nose hole bigger. And that’s all it takes to transform your breathing (and your life).


    Pros and Cons (But Mostly Pros, Let’s Be Real)

    ✅ Pros:

    • Reduces snoring without meds or surgery
    • Improves airflow during workouts or sports
    • Boosts focus while working (oxygen = brainpower)
    • Looks badass if you’re into cyborg aesthetics
    • Works immediately—no learning curve, no app required

    ❌ Cons:

    • Occasionally rips off part of your soul (a.k.a. nose hair) when removed
    • Makes you look like you lost a fight with a sticker book
    • Some judgment from haters who haven’t discovered breathing properly

    Real Talk: Who Should Use These?

    • Chronic snorers who want to stay married
    • Athletes who want more airflow and less mouth-breathing
    • People who work long hours at a desk and feel foggy-headed
    • YouTubers, streamers, podcasters—anyone talking a lot on-camera
    • Literally anyone with a nose and two brain cells

    Pro Tips for Maximum Nose Strip Glory

    • Clean your nose first. Oil and boogers are strip kryptonite.
    • Place it right. Too low and you’re just taping your face for no reason.
    • Don’t reuse them. They’re not reusable. Don’t be gross.
    • Commit. Wear it confidently. You’re not weird. You’re a functional breather.

    Final Thoughts: Snore Less, Live More

    I can’t say Breathe Right strips fixed my life. But I can say they made it a hell of a lot easier to sleep, focus, and not sound like a warthog when I talk.

    They’re affordable, weirdly effective, and will probably make you look just slightly like a Star Trek extra—which I consider a bonus. From bedroom peace to basketball games, computer work to YouTube streams, these things have become part of my weird but efficient lifestyle.

    So go ahead, slap one on and breathe like a majestic woodland creature. Your nose (and everyone who lives with you) will thank you.


    DISCLAIMER: This blog is for entertainment and informational purposes only. Always consult with a healthcare provider if you’re dealing with serious snoring or sleep apnea. Also, I am not responsible if you become addicted to oxygen.

  • Replaced My Chair with an Exercise Ball: My Core is Sore, but My Posture is Fire

    Replaced My Chair with an Exercise Ball: My Core is Sore, but My Posture is Fire

    I Fired My Office Chair

    So there I was—sitting in my sad, squeaky office chair, hunched over like Gollum obsessing over an Excel spreadsheet, when it hit me. What if I ditched this ergonomic “executive throne” and plopped my butt onto something a bit more… bouncy? And just like that, I did what every sane adult in a mid-life posture crisis does—I bought a giant exercise ball.

    Not for working out. Not for yoga. But to sit on. All. Freaking. Day.

    Spoiler alert: my back said “thank you,” my core said “ouch,” and my coworkers said “are you okay?”

    Here’s the lowdown on why this squishy orb of health has become my unlikely new coworker.


    1. Posture So Good, I’m Basically Royalty

    If your spine looks like a question mark by 3 PM, congrats—you’re the average desk jockey. Traditional chairs make it easy to slouch, slump, and slowly morph into a human croissant.

    But on an exercise ball? You sit up straight or you roll into oblivion.

    This wobbly wonder forces your back into alignment like a strict yoga teacher with a passive-aggressive smile. No lumbar support? No problem. Your own muscles are now the lumbar support.

    I no longer hunch like a crypt keeper. I perch like a swan. A very confused, mildly sweaty swan.

    Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission—at no additional cost to you.


    2. Constant Micro-Movements = Lazy Person’s Workout

    You know how they say sitting is the new smoking? Well, the exercise ball is like switching to vaping. Still kinda weird, but better.

    Sitting on a ball means you’re constantly doing tiny little movements—balancing, adjusting, shifting weight. These micro-movements engage your core, glutes, and even your legs. It’s like passive exercise for people who don’t want to actually exercise.

    I’ve burned enough calories to earn that third breakfast. You know, for health.


    3. Better Focus… Weirdly

    I didn’t expect this one. But somehow, sitting on a ball makes me feel more alert. Maybe it’s the low-level threat of falling over mid-email that keeps me awake. Or maybe good posture really does help your brain fire on all cylinders.

    Either way, I’m crushing deadlines and only falling off once or twice a week. That’s progress.


    4. It’s Fun. There, I Said It.

    Remember fun? The thing we used to have before work and taxes? Sitting on a giant rubber ball reintroduces that little spark of joy. It’s a subtle rebellion. A corporate middle finger to the soul-sucking black leather office chair industrial complex.

    Also, bouncing on Zoom calls just feels right.


    5. It’s Cheap Therapy for Your Spine

    Forget shelling out hundreds for a premium chair that still lets your butt go numb by lunch. An exercise ball costs about 20 bucks and doubles as a therapy session for your spine. If my lower back could talk, it would weep tears of gratitude.

    Bonus: it’s also a space-saving, multi-functional office gym that doubles as a cat toy. Everyone wins.


    But Wait… It’s Not All Sunshine and Abs

    Let’s keep it real. Sitting on an exercise ball isn’t all unicorns and six-packs.

    • You will fall off. At least once. Probably more.
    • Your core will burn. Especially at first. Don’t be a hero. Ease in slowly.
    • You’ll get weird looks. Especially if you bring it to the office. But hey, trendsetters are always misunderstood.

    Also, if you’re the type who likes to sit cross-legged or slump dramatically during an existential crisis, the ball might challenge your usual coping mechanisms.


    Pro Tips for Surviving the Switch

    If you’re ready to replace your butt’s favorite cushion with a bouncy orb of destiny, here are some words of wisdom:

    • Get the right size. Generally, a 65cm ball works for most average-height adults.
    • Inflate it properly. Too squishy = floppy disaster. Too hard = spine of steel pain.
    • Don’t ditch your chair entirely (yet). Use the ball for a few hours a day at first.
    • Watch your form. Feet flat, hips level with knees, and no leaning like you’re posing for a Renaissance painting.

    Final Verdict: Would I Do It Again?

    Absolutely. My core is tighter, my spine is happier, and I bounce like a caffeinated toddler. The exercise ball has officially earned its place as my co-worker, life coach, and occasional bouncing stool for impromptu karaoke breaks.

    Sure, it’s weird. Sure, people judge. But when your back stops hurting, your focus improves, and you start feeling like a posture god—it’s totally worth it.

    So go ahead. Ditch the chair. Embrace the bounce. Live your best ergonomic life.


    Not-So-Fine Print:
    This post contains general information and random jokes. It’s not medical advice. Please consult a professional before starting any new exercise or furniture rebellion.

  • I’m Fully Monetized on YouTube, What Now?

    I’m Fully Monetized on YouTube, What Now?

    Congratulations, You’re Monetized! Now Calm Down.

    You did it. You clawed your way past 1,000 subscribers, smashed the 4,000 watch hour wall like the Kool-Aid Man, and got that sweet “You’ve been approved for monetization” email from YouTube. Cue the confetti. Pour the champagne. Maybe even do the Macarena (ironically, of course).

    But then it hits you.

    “What the hell do I do now?”

    Let’s dive into the real game that begins after monetization. Spoiler: It’s not just sitting back and collecting checks while wearing your YouTube hoodie and sipping oat milk lattes.


    1. Understand the Money: You’re Not Rich Yet, Sorry

    Welcome to Pennyland

    Monetization isn’t a golden ticket. It’s more like a soggy raffle stub with the promise of…maybe $3 this month. Unless your videos are racking up serious views and ad-friendly content, don’t expect retirement money just yet.

    • CPM (Cost per Mille): This is what advertisers pay per 1,000 views. It varies wildly. Finance channels might earn $15 CPM. A mukbang channel where you slurp noodles? More like $1.20.
    • RPM (Revenue per Mille): What you get after YouTube takes its cut. (Yep. YouTube’s like your mom taking “a bite” of your burger.)

    Pro Tip:

    Pair monetization with affiliate marketing, merchandise, Super Thanks, and channel memberships. Don’t let YouTube be your only sugar daddy.

    Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission—at no additional cost to you.


    2. Create a Content Strategy That Doesn’t Burn You Out

    Now that ads are rolling in, you might feel the pressure to pump out videos like a desperate TikToker during a trend cycle. Don’t.

    Make a Plan:

    • Batch film so you’re not stuck editing while crying at 3 a.m.
    • Evergreen vs Trendy: Mix timeless content (like “How to tie a tie”) with trends (“Reacting to AI-generated SpongeBob political debates”).
    • Series-based content: It keeps people watching and helps with retention — which YouTube LOVES more than avocado toast.

    3. Analytics Are Your New God

    Forget vibes. Trust data.

    YouTube Studio is your free personal NSA. It tells you who’s watching, for how long, and when they drop off like flies. Use this:

    • Watch time > Views
    • Click-through rate (CTR): Is your thumbnail clickbait enough, but not demonetized-level deceiving?
    • Audience retention: If they bounce in 15 seconds, your video might be less engaging than an IRS training module.

    Hot Tip:

    Revisit your best-performing videos. Then Frankenstein those babies into similar content. Give the people what they want!


    4. Play the Algorithm Game (But Don’t Be a Slave to It)

    We love to hate the algorithm. It’s like a needy ex: impossible to predict, but if you ignore it, you’ll crash and burn.

    Things the Algorithm Likes:

    • Consistency (post on a regular schedule)
    • Engagement (likes, comments, people calling you names = GOOD)
    • Retention (people watching till the end)
    • Thumbnails so spicy they belong on OnlyFans

    But remember: YouTube’s algorithm follows the audience. If people like your stuff, the algorithm will, too.


    5. Level Up Production (Without Selling a Kidney)

    Let’s be honest. Your first videos looked like they were filmed on a toaster. Now’s the time to glow up your production:

    • Upgrade your mic before your camera (Nobody cares if you look good if you sound like you’re recording from inside a Pringles can).
    • Use free tools like DaVinci Resolve, OBS, and CapCut.
    • Invest in decent lighting. A $30 ring light can take your look from “hostage video” to “professional YouTuber.”

    6. Cultivate a Community, Not Just a Viewer Base

    Here’s the deal: Audience = numbers. Community = money. And loyalty. And comments like “I watch you more than my therapist.”

    • Pin comments
    • Ask questions in your videos
    • Reply to comments (Even the trolls. Especially the trolls. Engagement is engagement, baby.)
    • Go Live regularly to connect and boost watch time.

    7. Experiment With New Revenue Streams

    YouTube’s monetization tools are more robust than your average OnlyFans account.

    Explore:

    • Channel Memberships: Offer perks like bloopers, behind-the-scenes, or awkward selfies.
    • Super Chats/Super Thanks: Turn livestreams into tip jars.
    • Merch Shelf: Slap your face on a mug. Profit.
    • Affiliate links: Review gear, books, or even questionable skincare routines—and link it all!

    8. Think Like a Brand (Yes, Even If You’re a Weirdo)

    You’re not just a YouTuber anymore. You’re a brand. A tiny, weird, potentially bankrupt brand. But a brand nonetheless.

    • Create a logo (something better than Comic Sans and a selfie)
    • Snag a domain and start a simple blog or landing page
    • Cross-promote on social (Instagram, Threads, X, MySpace for the LOLs)
    • Grow an email list (because algorithms can ghost you like Tinder matches)

    9. Don’t Let Burnout Eat You Alive

    A dark truth: many creators get monetized… then implode.

    Why?

    • The dopamine rush fades
    • Revenue is lower than expected
    • Constant pressure to “go viral”

    Solution:

    • Take breaks (seriously, the internet won’t miss you for a week)
    • Collaborate with other creators to share the load
    • Repurpose content: Turn one video into a Short, a blog post, and an Instagram Reel. Milk it like it owes you money.

    10. Keep Learning, Keep Growing, Keep Posting

    Just because you’re monetized doesn’t mean you’ve “made it.” This is just Level 2.

    • Watch what bigger creators are doing (then shamelessly steal—uh, “adapt”—what works)
    • Study SEO, thumbnails, storytelling
    • Set monthly goals (views, revenue, new content experiments)
    • Stay authentic. People can smell BS like it’s Axe Body Spray at a middle school dance.

    Final Thoughts: You’ve Got the Badge, Now Get the Bag

    Being monetized is cool. Being smart about monetization is cooler.

    It’s not just about throwing ads on your videos. It’s about turning your content into a business. You’re not just making videos anymore — you’re making moves.

    So grab your camera, fire up the editor, and remember: YouTube monetization isn’t the end of the road. It’s just the on-ramp.

    Let’s get this bread. Or at least enough AdSense to cover your internet bill.

    Disclaimer:

    This blog is not affiliated with or endorsed by YouTube or Google. All views are mildly caffeinated and mostly sarcastic. Also, this is not financial advice—unless it works, then yes, we told you so.

  • ChatGPT Prompts You Can Use in 2025 to Make Money

    ChatGPT Prompts You Can Use in 2025 to Make Money

    Welcome to 2025, where your AI assistant doesn’t just finish your sentences—it finishes your business plan, your side hustle, and maybe even your taxes (still not legally, but we’re close). If you’re not using ChatGPT to make money this year, you’re basically riding a unicycle on the freeway while everyone else is driving Teslas powered by sarcasm and 5G.

    Here’s the truth: you don’t have to be a Silicon Valley bro or a crypto shill to cash in with ChatGPT. You just need good prompts. I’m talking gold-tier, revenue-generating, content-creating, hustle-sparking bangers.

    So buckle up, buttercup. Here are 100 ChatGPT prompts you can copy-paste, tweak, and monetize faster than you can say “GPT took my job but made me rich.”


    🤑 Blogging & Content Creation

    1. “Write a 1,000-word blog post on [TOPIC] in a tone that’s witty and professional.”
    2. “Generate 10 viral blog titles for a blog about [NICHE].”
    3. “Write a product review for [PRODUCT NAME] with affiliate links.”
    4. “Create a content calendar for a blog about [TOPIC] with weekly post ideas.”
    5. “Summarize this long-form YouTube video and turn it into a blog post.”
    6. “Convert this blog into a YouTube script.”
    7. “Turn this blog post into five viral tweets.”
    8. “Write a 500-word Quora answer that will drive traffic to my blog.”
    9. “Create a blog post comparing [PRODUCT A] vs [PRODUCT B] for SEO.”
    10. “Write a motivational blog post titled ‘Why I Quit My 9 to 5 to Sell Digital Crayons Online.’”

    Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission—at no additional cost to you.


    📲 YouTube & TikTok Prompts

    1. “Write a 2-minute script for a YouTube Short on how to save $1,000 fast.”
    2. “Generate 10 YouTube video ideas for a finance channel.”
    3. “Create a catchy YouTube title and thumbnail text for this video concept.”
    4. “Turn this TikTok idea into a skit with humor and relatability.”
    5. “Write a call-to-action for YouTube that encourages people to buy my ebook.”
    6. “Give me 10 TikTok hook ideas for [TOPIC].”
    7. “Make a list of top affiliate products I can review on YouTube in [NICHE].”
    8. “Summarize a trending news article into a short-form video script.”
    9. “Turn this YouTube transcript into a podcast outline.”
    10. “Write a script roasting get-rich-quick gurus—but make it funny.”

    📦 Ecommerce & Product Creation

    1. “Write a product description for a [WEIRD PRODUCT] in a fun tone.”
    2. “Generate 10 Etsy product ideas based on trending niches.”
    3. “Give me a Shopify homepage copy optimized for SEO and conversion.”
    4. “Write 5 email subject lines for my online store’s flash sale.”
    5. “List 10 digital product ideas that require no inventory and no soul.”
    6. “Describe a print-on-demand t-shirt about Bitcoin being a scam.”
    7. “Write Amazon bullet points for a nootropic called ‘BrainZilla.’”
    8. “Generate ideas for bundles I can sell in my ecommerce store.”
    9. “Create a 30-second TikTok ad for my niche ecommerce product.”
    10. “Write Instagram captions for my ecommerce store in the wellness niche.”

    💻 Freelancing & Consulting

    1. “Write a cold email to get freelance clients for my copywriting business.”
    2. “Create an Upwork profile bio for a freelance graphic designer.”
    3. “Make a proposal template for Fiverr gigs.”
    4. “List 10 freelancing niches I can break into with no experience.”
    5. “Write a script to pitch my consulting service to small businesses.”
    6. “Write a testimonial request email I can send to my past clients.”
    7. “Create a pricing table for my freelance packages.”
    8. “Write a response to a client asking for a lower price (politely savage).”
    9. “Make a business plan for my VA services.”
    10. “Generate lead magnets for my coaching business.”

    📚 Course & Ebook Creation

    1. “Outline a course on how to start a YouTube channel in 30 days.”
    2. “Write an ebook chapter titled ‘Instagram Growth Hacking 101.’”
    3. “Create 5 quiz questions for my digital course.”
    4. “Generate a lead magnet ebook titled ‘100 Side Hustles That Don’t Suck.’”
    5. “Write a persuasive ebook sales page.”
    6. “Summarize a book into a course module.”
    7. “Create 10 slide titles for a digital marketing course.”
    8. “Write a free preview email for my upcoming course.”
    9. “Turn this course outline into an engaging script.”
    10. “Make an upsell email for my ebook funnel.”

    💸 Affiliate Marketing

    1. “Generate affiliate blog topics for [NICHE].”
    2. “Create a comparison article for two competing affiliate products.”
    3. “Write a YouTube script for my top 3 Amazon affiliate gadgets.”
    4. “Design a landing page copy for my affiliate promotion.”
    5. “Create 10 call-to-actions to boost affiliate clicks.”
    6. “Write a review post that outranks competitors on Google.”
    7. “List 5 ways to integrate affiliate links in my newsletter.”
    8. “Write an SEO-optimized blog post for [AFFILIATE PRODUCT NAME].”
    9. “Create a TikTok ad script for [PRODUCT].”
    10. “Write a Medium post that naturally includes affiliate links.”

    📈 Investing & Finance

    1. “Write a blog post titled ‘Why I Invested in 10 ETFs and Lost My Sanity.’”
    2. “Generate 5 content ideas for a personal finance newsletter.”
    3. “Create a viral tweet thread on saving money fast.”
    4. “Make an infographic description for 5 ways to avoid debt.”
    5. “Write a satirical blog on why budgeting is like dating your bank account.”
    6. “List 10 investing tips in Gen Z lingo.”
    7. “Create a breakdown of Roth IRA vs Traditional IRA for TikTok.”
    8. “Write a newsletter intro on market trends in 2025.”
    9. “Turn this investing strategy into a 2-minute explainer video.”
    10. “Create a passive income checklist PDF.”

    🎤 Podcast & Voice Content

    1. “Write a podcast intro script for a show about side hustles.”
    2. “Make an outline for a podcast episode on digital nomads.”
    3. “Turn my blog post into a podcast episode with witty transitions.”
    4. “Write a guest pitch email to appear on other podcasts.”
    5. “Create interview questions for a millionaire entrepreneur.”
    6. “Write a podcast trailer script.”
    7. “List 10 viral podcast episode titles.”
    8. “Draft a thank-you note to podcast listeners with a CTA.”
    9. “Write a ‘sponsor read’ script for a VPN company.”
    10. “Summarize this podcast transcript into social media posts.”

    🧠 AI Tools & Automation

    1. “List 10 ways to automate income using AI tools.”
    2. “Generate a business idea combining ChatGPT and Zapier.”
    3. “Create SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures) for automating blog posts.”
    4. “Write a tweet that promotes my new AI assistant service.”
    5. “Create a prompt that auto-generates product reviews using ChatGPT.”
    6. “Build a list of AI tools I can review on my blog.”
    7. “Write a content schedule powered by AI automation.”
    8. “Turn this lead form into a full sales funnel using AI.”
    9. “Create instructions to build a no-code app with Bubble.”
    10. “Write a sarcastic sales page for an AI life coach.”

    🎯 Miscellaneous Money Magic

    1. “Generate 10 money-saving hacks in meme format.”
    2. “Write a viral Reddit post about my AI side hustle journey.”
    3. “Turn this idea into a digital product to sell on Gumroad.”
    4. “Make a listicle on ‘Weird Things I Sold to Make Money Online.’”
    5. “Create a local service gig idea list I can start in my city.”
    6. “Write a Craigslist ad for my business that actually converts.”
    7. “Design a pitch for Shark Tank (with humor).”
    8. “Write a passive-aggressive Etsy bio for my store.”
    9. “Create a sarcastic testimonial generator using GPT.”
    10. “Generate a daily money-making challenge calendar for the next 30 days.”

    💥 Conclusion: The AI Hustle is Real, Bro

    Let’s face it: if ChatGPT were a person, it’d be the unpaid intern who somehow outperforms your whole team. The prompts you just read? They’re not just strings of text—they’re jet fuel for your money machine.

    Whether you’re trying to start a blog, launch a YouTube empire, or just finally sell those weird toe socks online, these prompts give you a ridiculous unfair advantage. Use them wisely—or irresponsibly, like a true 2025 entrepreneur.

    Either way… you’ve got 100 ChatGPT ways to cash in.


    Disclaimer: This is not financial advice. This is “I talked to an AI for 4 hours in my pajamas” advice.

  • Bitcoin is the Worst Religion Since Scientology

    Bitcoin is the Worst Religion Since Scientology

    Welcome to the Church of Bitcoin, where logic gets baptized in Kool-Aid and Satoshi Nakamoto is the unverified second coming. If you’ve ever dared to question Bitcoin’s validity, then congratulations—you’ve probably been excommunicated from every Reddit thread and Twitter space that ends in #HODL.

    Let’s dive into this sacred lunacy and explore why Bitcoin is not just bad money—it’s a full-blown cult with worse fashion sense than Scientology’s ceremonial uniforms.


    The Gospel According to Satoshi

    Every cult needs its mysterious founder. Enter Satoshi Nakamoto: the digital messiah who wrote a whitepaper, disappeared like a magician with no encore, and became the figurehead of a movement that now rivals CrossFit in cultish devotion.

    Bitcoiners talk about Satoshi like Christians talk about Jesus—except Jesus didn’t ghost his apostles and leave them arguing over gas fees and forked chains. At least with Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard showed up long enough to sell some books and get rich. Satoshi didn’t even take a royalty.


    Evangelists With Laser Eyes

    What do you get when you cross financial desperation with Reddit and just enough tech knowledge to sound smart in a bar? A Bitcoin maximalist. These guys don’t just believe Bitcoin will replace the dollar—they believe Bitcoin is money, God, and salvation rolled into one.

    They’ve slapped laser eyes on their profile pics like they’re in the X-Men. They wear Bitcoin merch, attend conferences where they high-five each other for not understanding macroeconomics, and spew jargon like “blockchain immutability” like it’s scripture.

    Spoiler alert: shouting “Fiat is dead!” doesn’t magically make your imaginary internet coin superior. Especially when your magical money loses 30% in a single weekend.

    Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission—at no additional cost to you.


    The Book of Bull Market Revelations

    Let’s talk prophecy. Every bull market is heralded as the moment. “Bitcoin is going to $1 million!” they chant, usually while refinancing their homes to buy more Satoshis. If it dips? “It’s just a shakeout, bro.” If it crashes? “BUY THE DIP.”

    These folks are more committed to self-delusion than people who think “The Matrix 4” was a good idea. Their blind faith is admirable, in a tragic sort of way—like watching someone invest their entire 401(k) in Beanie Babies and calling it “long-term wealth preservation.”


    Bitcoin Conferences: Crypto Comic-Con Meets Pyramid Scheme

    Imagine Comic-Con, but with fewer costumes and more financial ruin. Bitcoin conferences are like religious revivals: the believers gather, speakers preach to the choir, and crypto bros nod solemnly at phrases like “digital scarcity” and “sound money.”

    Meanwhile, somewhere in the shadows, influencers are quietly dumping their coins on the followers they convinced to “stack sats.” If you thought televangelists were sleazy, wait until you meet a Bitcoin influencer shilling an NFT yacht club.


    The Tithes and Offerings of the Blockchain

    What cult is complete without money changing hands? Only, in this case, the money isn’t even real—it’s 1s and 0s on a public ledger maintained by power-hungry servers in Iceland. You can’t spend Bitcoin at Walmart. You can’t buy groceries with it. You can’t even buy a decent joke coin without paying an Ethereum gas fee larger than your lunch tab.

    You tithe by buying and holding. You proselytize by sharing screenshots of your “gains” from 2021 while conveniently ignoring the red waterfall of your portfolio in 2022. It’s not a religion of giving—it’s a religion of HODLing until death do you part or until your spouse files for divorce due to “crypto addiction.”


    Bitcoin is Saving Venezuela! (And Other Crypto Myths)

    The cult’s favorite defense mechanism? Pointing to countries in economic collapse as “proof” that Bitcoin is changing lives. In reality, Bitcoin is about as usable in a crisis as Monopoly money in a house fire. It’s slow, it’s volatile, and unless your grandma in Argentina knows how to secure a cold wallet, it’s as useful as Dogecoin in a power outage.

    These claims are about as believable as a Scientologist saying they met Xenu on a Carnival Cruise. But hey, if it sounds morally righteous and distracts from the Ponzi vibes—why not?


    HODL or HELL: The Threat of Apostasy

    Try telling a Bitcoiner that you sold your coins and you might as well say you microwaved their dog. Dissent isn’t tolerated. You’re either “in” or you’re a fiat sheep, destined to suffer when the “hyperbitcoinization” arrives—which, for the record, is a made-up term used to sound like a Marvel villain plot.

    Unlike normal investors who can admit a bad trade, Bitcoiners would rather die with their cold storage wallet than admit maybe—just maybe—they bought into a glorified math puzzle with no actual use case.


    Final Blessings: The Church of Common Sense

    Look, you don’t have to be Warren Buffett (who, hilariously, hates Bitcoin) to see through the noise. Bitcoin has no intrinsic value, no earnings, no assets, and no actual control mechanism. It’s literally digital scarcity wrapped in cultish hype and fueled by the greater fool theory.

    It’s a faith-based system—and not the good kind. The kind where every dip is divine punishment, every spike is divine prophecy, and every critic is a heretic.

    So before you sell your kidney for a cold wallet and a ticket to Bitcoin Miami, just ask yourself one thing: What would Satoshi do?

    Probably disappear again. And never respond to your DMs.


    Disclaimer

    This content is satirical and for entertainment and informational purposes only. Nothing in this post should be taken as financial advice. Please consult a licensed financial advisor before doing anything remotely stupid with your money.

  • How to Create a 100 or More ETF Portfolio

    How to Create a 100 or More ETF Portfolio

    Because Why Settle for Just a Few When You Can Own the Entire Financial Universe

    Let’s be real — when most people talk about ETF investing, they’re thinking of three or four funds. Maybe a spicy fifth if they’re feeling adventurous. But you? You’re different. You’re not just here to play the game. You’re here to own the damn board.

    If you’ve ever dreamed of waking up and saying, “I own a piece of everything — from Chilean lithium miners to Swedish vegan mayonnaise startups,” welcome to your new obsession: The 100+ ETF Portfolio. It’s bold, it’s overkill, and it might be the most beautifully ridiculous thing you ever do with your brokerage account. Let’s go.


    Why 100+ ETFs?

    Because Diversification is Sexy

    Let’s break this down. A typical ETF is already diversified — it’s like a burrito stuffed with dozens or hundreds of ingredients (stocks). So why eat just one burrito when you can run an entire Mexican buffet?

    With 100+ ETFs, you’re spreading risk, capturing different global trends, and flexing so hard on diversification that even Vanguard starts sweating.

    Oh, and let’s not forget: the flex factor. “Yeah bro, I’m in 147 ETFs,” you casually drop at parties as people slowly back away in fear or admiration. Worth it.


    Where to Begin: Pick Your Platform

    Robinhood or Charles Schwab — Choose Your Weapon

    Robinhood:

    • Sleek, mobile-friendly, commission-free
    • Fractional shares (perfect for buying 1/1000th of that Taiwan Semiconductor ETF)
    • Downsides? No retirement accounts and a somewhat… meme-y reputation

    Charles Schwab:

    • Commission-free trades, better research tools
    • Access to retirement accounts, automatic reinvestment, more grown-up vibes
    • Excellent ETF screener tools, if you’re into that “thinking before buying” thing

    Either one works, so long as it lets you hoard ETFs like a doomsday prepper with canned beans.

    Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission—at no additional cost to you.


    Categories to Conquer

    Because Your Portfolio Deserves a Little Bit of Everything (Like a Vegas Buffet)

    If you want 100+ ETFs, you can’t just load up on 100 copies of SPY. That’s not diversification — that’s laziness. Here’s how to spice it up:

    🗺️ Geographic ETFs

    • VT (Total World Stock ETF)
    • EWJ (Japan)
    • EEM (Emerging Markets)
    • VEU (All-World ex-US)

    💼 Sector ETFs

    • XLV (Healthcare)
    • XLF (Financials)
    • XLE (Energy)
    • ARKG (Biotech with a sci-fi flavor)

    🏡 REIT ETFs

    • VNQ (U.S. Real Estate)
    • SCHH (Cheap and cheerful)
    • REM (Mortgage REITs aka real estate roulette)
    • REET (International real estate — yeah, you fancy now)

    ⚙️ Thematic ETFs

    • BOTZ (Robotics and AI)
    • LIT (Lithium — because EVs aren’t going away)
    • FIVG (5G Technology)
    • UFO (Yes, a space ETF exists and yes, you should probably own it)

    💰 Dividend & Income ETFs

    • VYM (High Dividend Yield)
    • SCHD (Dividend cult favorite)
    • JEPI (Option-income wizardry)
    • QYLD (Overhyped but fun to say out loud)

    🥷 Defensive Plays

    • GLD (Gold)
    • TLT (Long-term bonds, yawn but safe)
    • USFR (Floating rate treasury, your boring uncle would approve)

    🌍 ESG and SRI

    • ESGU (Sustainable investing with corporate sugar-coating)
    • SUSA (Socially conscious and smug about it)

    You get the idea — if there’s a niche, there’s probably an ETF. There’s even an ETF that shorts Cathie Wood’s ARK funds. Petty? Maybe. Beautiful? Absolutely.


    Portfolio Construction: The Chaos Method

    How to Not Totally Lose Your Mind

    Step 1: Decide Your Budget

    You don’t need a million bucks. Thanks to fractional shares, even $1,000 can get you started. Just don’t expect your portfolio to look like Warren Buffett’s right away. Or ever.

    Step 2: Use a Spreadsheet or ETF Screener

    Create a giant Google Sheet, color-code the hell out of it, and track:

    • Ticker
    • Category
    • Expense ratio (keep it low, you cheap genius)
    • Dividend yield
    • Strategy or niche

    Step 3: Allocate Broadly

    Start with 10–15% in broad market ETFs (VT, VTI, etc.) to give your portfolio a solid base. Then scatter the rest like a madman at a yard sale.

    Step 4: Avoid Duplication

    Don’t buy five ETFs that all do the exact same thing. (Yes, I’m talking to you, guy who bought SPY, IVV, and VOO.)

    Step 5: Automate & Rebalance

    Use automatic reinvestment and set calendar reminders to rebalance quarterly or annually. Or whenever Mercury is in retrograde, your call.


    Common Mistakes to Dodge Like Neo in The Matrix

    • Overlapping Holdings: If 10 of your ETFs all hold Apple, congratulations — you’ve made your own personal Apple ETF.
    • Chasing Hype: Just because there’s a Metaverse ETF doesn’t mean you need to buy it. (But maybe you do. Because YOLO.)
    • Neglecting Fees: That 0.75% expense ratio might not sound like a lot, but over time, it can eat more than Godzilla at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
    • Forgetting the Taxman: Dividend income? Short-term gains? Uncle Sam is lurking. Be tax-aware.

    Final Thoughts: The Madness is the Method

    Creating a 100+ ETF portfolio is like assembling your own Avengers team — except instead of superheroes, you’ve got a bunch of ticker symbols that may or may not beat the market.

    Sure, it’s excessive. Maybe even a little unhinged. But it’s also educational, empowering, and — let’s face it — kinda fun.

    With tools like Robinhood and Schwab at your fingertips, you can start small and build up over time. Just keep learning, diversifying, and avoiding putting all your chips on an ETF called “YOLO” (yes, that was real).

    Remember: In the ETF world, more isn’t always better — but it’s definitely more fun.


    Now go forth, portfolio Jedi. The ticker force is with you.

    Disclaimer: This content is for entertainment and informational purposes only and should not be considered financial advice. Always do your own research and consult with a licensed financial advisor before making any investment decisions.

  • 25 Safest REITs to Buy & Hold

    25 Safest REITs to Buy & Hold

    Disclaimer: This is not financial advice. It’s entertainment, baby. Consult a licensed financial advisor unless you enjoy reckless decisions.


    Intro: Real Estate… Without the Tenants, Toilets, or Tantrums

    Ah, real estate—the land of clogged toilets, screaming tenants, and endless “emergency” calls about light bulbs. But what if I told you there’s a magical way to invest in real estate without ever stepping foot in a Home Depot?

    Enter stage left: REITs—Real Estate Investment Trusts. These beautiful, dividend-spitting unicorns let you own slices of commercial real estate without being cursed to a lifetime of plumber negotiation. And if you’re tired of YOLOing into meme stocks or praying for Bitcoin to go to Valhalla, it’s time to consider the safe side of REITs. We’re talking “grandma-approved,” pillow-soft, balance-sheet-fortified REITs.

    Let’s dive into 25 of the safest REITs to buy and hold… because who has the time for constant rebalancing when there are episodes of Succession to binge?


    🏢 1. Realty Income Corp (O)

    Known as “The Monthly Dividend Company,” because yes, they literally trademarked that. Think of them as the Beyoncé of REITs—solid, dependable, and loved by everyone. 650+ tenants, 50 states, no nonsense.


    🏥 2. Welltower Inc. (WELL)

    Senior housing + healthcare properties = aging population tailwind. Bonus points if you think Boomers will continue to dominate civilization until 2099.


    🛒 3. Federal Realty Investment Trust (FRT)

    They’ve paid and raised dividends since 1967. FRT is so stable, it might be anchoring the Earth’s rotation.


    🏨 4. Public Storage (PSA)

    Storage units: the physical manifestation of American hoarding habits. Recession-resistant. Divorce-resistant. Emotionally-repressed-millennial-resistant.


    🏬 5. Prologis (PLD)

    Amazon warehouses, e-commerce logistics centers. If you’re betting people won’t suddenly stop online shopping in 2025… you want PLD.

    Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission—at no additional cost to you.


    🏠 6. AvalonBay Communities (AVB)

    Fancy apartments for bougie city dwellers who can’t afford to buy a house because… well, avocado toast and mortgage rates.


    🏢 7. Alexandria Real Estate Equities (ARE)

    They lease to biotech and life sciences firms. If you’re bullish on scientists playing God, this one’s for you.


    📦 8. Extra Space Storage (EXR)

    Second-largest self-storage company. Basically PSA’s sibling, but a little more extroverted and aggressive.


    🛏️ 9. Ventas Inc. (VTR)

    Healthcare REIT with a mix of senior housing, life sciences, and medical offices. Sort of like a diversified basket of human maintenance buildings.


    🏢 10. Digital Realty Trust (DLR)

    Data centers. They own the physical side of the cloud—yes, the cloud is actually a warehouse with blinking lights. This REIT is what powers your endless doomscrolling.


    🛒 11. Kimco Realty (KIM)

    They focus on grocery-anchored shopping centers, which means they profit from your midnight Cheez-It runs.


    💊 12. Medical Properties Trust (MPW)

    Despite recent drama, they’ve weathered some storms. Keep an eye on them like you’d watch a reality TV contestant: shaky, but entertaining and possibly redeemable.


    🏥 13. Healthcare Realty Trust (HR)

    Medical office buildings. Doctors gotta doctor. HR’s properties are filled with folks poking, prodding, and prescribing.


    🏦 14. WP Carey (WPC)

    Diversified into industrial, warehouse, retail, and office. A good pick for indecisive investors who want everything in one REIT-y sandwich.


    🏗️ 15. Duke Realty (Now part of Prologis)

    Before its merger, Duke Realty was one of the top industrial REITs. If you liked it, you’ll love Prologis now that it swallowed Duke like a capitalist Pac-Man.


    🛏️ 16. Mid-America Apartment Communities (MAA)

    Apartments across the Sun Belt. Think Texas, Florida, and other places where people are running away from high taxes and high rent.


    🏢 17. UDR Inc. (UDR)

    High-quality apartment REIT with exposure to millennial renters and urban professionals who believe homeownership is a myth invented by the Illuminati.


    🧪 18. Iron Mountain (IRM)

    Where your grandma’s dental records and random company archives live forever. It’s a niche REIT with shockingly consistent revenue.


    🏨 19. Host Hotels & Resorts (HST)

    Luxury hotels REIT. Marriott, Ritz-Carlton, etc. A bet on travel and conferences being “a thing” again.


    🏘️ 20. Camden Property Trust (CPT)

    Multifamily properties in hot housing markets. If you believe young professionals will keep paying for rooftop pools and tiny gyms, CPT’s your guy.


    🏬 21. National Retail Properties (NNN)

    Single-tenant retail with long-term leases. Think gas stations, convenience stores, and more… they’re not flashy, but boy are they consistent.


    🏫 22. American Campus Communities (ACC)

    If you believe college kids will never stop partying… I mean, studying… this student housing REIT is a solid pick.


    📡 23. American Tower Corp (AMT)

    Cell towers = the backbone of your TikTok addiction. As long as humans can’t go 5 minutes without checking their phones, AMT is golden.


    📶 24. Crown Castle (CCI)

    Another telecom REIT. More towers, more connectivity, more passive income. It’s like AMT’s less glamorous, slightly more introverted cousin.


    🛢️ 25. VICI Properties (VICI)

    Owns casinos, resorts, and entertainment properties. When people say “diversify,” they don’t usually mean blackjack tables—but here we are. It’s surprisingly stable.


    Final Thoughts: REITs, the Couch Potato’s Real Estate Empire

    There you have it—25 REITs that let you sleep easy at night, knowing your money is busy working in malls, hospitals, towers, and storage units full of Beanie Babies and broken dreams. They offer passive income, decent yields, and none of the landlord headaches.

    So instead of chasing the next meme stonk or debating whether Bitcoin is going to zero or to Mars, maybe chill, collect some dividends, and let these REITs do the heavy lifting.

    Just remember: this is not financial advice. I don’t have a Series 7 license—just a keyboard and a crippling addiction to investing spreadsheets.


    Now go forth and diversify, you glorious REIT overlord.


    If you enjoyed this article, share it, mock your crypto bro friend with it, or just save it for when you need help falling asleep. Either way, your portfolio (and possibly your blood pressure) will thank you.